passage of time

I am 33, and I’m single again.

All my closest friends, with the exception of Miss M (who is heroically working on her diss), are happily married. Mrs. H (formerly Miss H) just had her first daughter, Baby SMrs. J is expecting her first child; and Mrs. C (not “that” C) is the mother of  her “nearly 2” son, Baby A. 

Until recently, I was in a long-term relationship with Orchestra Teacher. We met in Houston during my residency, moved to Austin for my fellowship, then moved again to Chicago for my first real job as an attending. We were together for over 3 years when one day, right after the holidays, he decided he was done. The kicker was we were living together and we were talking fairly seriously about getting engaged over the last several months.

It started with him saying, hey come here we need to talk. Basically, he decided he didn’t know if he ever wanted to get married and that he didn’t want to be have to account for someone else in his life. I told him flat out, sounds like you don’t want to be in a relationship. He confirmed that he wanted to be alone. He’d been thinking about this on/off for months, and didn’t bring up even a hint of what was going on in his mind until he couldn’t stand it any longer.

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feeling butterflies

I think at some point, you know when you really like someone (and definitely when you don’t).

A few of my friends (okay, a lot of them) have asked why I haven’t been blogging. I haven’t really been dating anyone interesting, but when I think about it I think it’s because I just didn’t care all that much. I’ve dated a handful of guys in the last few months: EDM Guy, Off-Shore GuySurgery Boy, and Friend of Friend. I liked them all, but not enough to consider dating any of them seriously. Continue reading

the biggest mistake

It really is a small world out there.

While out with one of my Korean guy friends, I ran into another Korean guy I used to date who I’ll refer to as Speed Crazy. He’s what the girls call my “bad boy phase.” I should have realized early on that he wasn’t good for me, but I was younger then and more foolish. What ended up happening was complete disaster. Continue reading

beauty in the crazy

If Mr. Surgeon was the best guy I ever dated, Liar Liar was the worst of the worst and I didn’t meet him online.

Most everyone will caution you when you date someone online to be careful. The problem is that we forget that it applies just as much when you meet someone at a social gathering. I think because of common acquaintances you are lulled into a sense of comfort and you end up lowering you guard. But you must remember, just because they know him on a superficial level doesn’t mean any of you actually know him. Continue reading

wondering what if?

At some point in your life, you will wonder, what if?

My biggest what if was with “my” Mr. Big. The keyword is was. For whatever reason, our timing always sucked. He was ready and I wasn’t ready. I was ready and he wasn’t ready. The two scenarios played out multiple times in the course of the 15+ years that I’ve known him. I’ve come to an understanding about us. Timing’s important, of course, but we never really wanted each other enough to make it work. Continue reading