not the right beat

I never met his friends; he never met mine.

I dated EDM Guy on/off for about 3 months. Initially, I was interested in him because of his stats. He was educated, stable career, and Asian. Pretty much a guy I could probably bring home, if it worked. But after I met him, I knew that my mom wouldn’t like him because of his tattoos (on his chest, visible under his collarbone) and piercings (on his lips). Still he was engaging enough and certainly different in an interesting way for me to keep seeing him.

I was never really sure where I stood with him. I believe he’d probably say the same about me. We talked about a lot of things, but never really discussed us. I was fine with this because I was uncertain if I wanted to progress to the next step, exclusivity.

I don’t really know if he was seeing another girl (I never asked). He mentioned some girls he hung out with by name, though I suspect they were just friends. He was a pretty nice guy and I couldn’t really see him saying the names to provoke a reaction out of me. I admit it did ruffle me a little, but not enough to ever bring it up or even insinuate. I liked spending time with him; I liked him as a person, a friend; but I didn’t like him enough to only date him.

A few times, he’d bring up issues with me about how I never initiated or how when we were communicating via text I’d suddenly drop off. These were kind of nagging complaints a boyfriend would make to their girlfriend, or truthfully, what a girlfriend would say to their boyfriend. I teased him about being a girl (and I did have a bad habit of trying to get under his skin because he said nothing really bothered him), but it did bother him.

The issue was: I wasn’t his girlfriend and he wasn’t my boyfriend.

Maybe he wanted to be at one point (or not) and maybe a little part of me might have been able to be persuaded (but probably not). But I don’t think we liked each other enough to really push it. And so, it ended.

I have nothing negative to say about him. He was a genuinely nice guy, but he wasn’t a good fit for me. I recognized it fairly early and it was kind of bad of me to keep seeing him when I knew he wasn’t what I wanted. But I did enjoy his company. He was fun and easy to be with. I’ll admit, I miss him a little.

Hey EDM Guy, I wish you the best.

trust your instincts

Online dating is pretty exhausting.

I tend to go through “rounds” of dates within a 2-3 week period before I decide on who I’m interested in getting to know better. This last time, I actually dated a few guys sporadically over the last 3 or so months. I usually use either Tinder or OKC to find potential dates. This round I culled 2 from Tinder, 0 from OKC, and 2 surprisingly from friends. Continue reading

feeling butterflies

I think at some point, you know when you really like someone (and definitely when you don’t).

A few of my friends (okay, a lot of them) have asked why I haven’t been blogging. I haven’t really been dating anyone interesting, but when I think about it I think it’s because I just didn’t care all that much. I’ve dated a handful of guys in the last few months: EDM Guy, Off-Shore GuySurgery Boy, and Friend of Friend. I liked them all, but not enough to consider dating any of them seriously. Continue reading

the biggest mistake

It really is a small world out there.

While out with one of my Korean guy friends, I ran into another Korean guy I used to date who I’ll refer to as Speed Crazy. He’s what the girls call my “bad boy phase.” I should have realized early on that he wasn’t good for me, but I was younger then and more foolish. What ended up happening was complete disaster. Continue reading

friends of friends

You should never make assumptions about anything.

Some of my worst dating experiences have been with friends of friends. I’ve broken my rules on multiple times in those situations and every single time I tell myself I won’t do it again, but I do. Because you know what? Hope springs eternal (as said by Alexander Pope) it’s what keeps us going, the possibility that it’ll be different and better the next time around. Continue reading

pursuit or desperation?

I appreciate The Norwegian more and more as I get further into the mess that is online dating.

He’s always been very respectful of boundaries, texting me at appropriate intervals, and never blowing my phone up with messages. I haven’t seen him in several weeks, but I’ll occasionally get a snapchat from him showing me what he’s doing and I’ll reciprocate at times, if I think he might appreciate it. Otherwise, we’ve pretty much gone about our own businesses. His last text to me said: Have a good night. Let me know if you want to meet later. 

I’m glad he hasn’t hounded, or sent me anything weird or inappropriate, or overshared information when it’s completely unnecessary. I cannot say the same for the others. I really have no idea what guys are thinking, but if you send any girl 3-4 text messages and she doesn’t get back to you–that means she’s not interested. I’d say it’s pretty clear that if you ask a question and she doesn’t get back to you, it’s game over. Continue reading

what really counts

Nothing really counts until you’ve met the guy.

It doesn’t matter how good the messaging back and forth is until you’ve interacted one-on-one face-to-face. I’ve had great conversations with guys and wasted enough time to know how important it is to actually talk in person. I’d mentioned before how one guy had called me out on my superficiality in terms of dating, which I fully admit that I care a lot how a guy looks.

One of the most unpleasant parts of online dating is when the guy looks worse than his picture. In most cases, the guys have older photos where they look younger than they are or they are much thinner than they currently are. The term for this is “catfish.” I hate it when I’m tricked by carefully culled photos that make the guys look much better than reality. Continue reading