trust your instincts

Online dating is pretty exhausting.

I tend to go through “rounds” of dates within a 2-3 week period before I decide on who I’m interested in getting to know better. This last time, I actually dated a few guys sporadically over the last 3 or so months. I usually use either Tinder or OKC to find potential dates. This round I culled 2 from Tinder, 0 from OKC, and 2 surprisingly from friends.

Tinder is a mixed bag. I get more messages (and, generally higher quality) from OKC, but this last round of dating was more successful in terms of numbers from Tinder. The two guys I ended up dating for 2-3 months from Tinder are EDM Guy and Off-Shore Guy. I did meet two others: one was a dentist and the other was an ER resident. Both of those dates were technically fine, I just didn’t feel an urge to message either of them afterwards. They also felt the same, as neither pursued a second date. It’s almost a relief in that sense, considering it’s fairly awkward when you don’t feel much and the other person ends up being really into you. I never know the best way to handle it, if it’s better to be direct or indirect (with the slow fade-out).

The guys I met from my friends are Friend of Friend (already discussed) and Surgery Boy. It’s always great when I meet someone with potential in person because it’s a more natural timeline. I get to know him before I decide to say “yes” to a date. With online dating, there’s a purpose even to the first meeting. You know and he knows that this is a date. There’s no period of, oh let’s get to know each other and then go on a date. It’s jump and then see where you land vs looking before you leap.

I’ll freely admit that when it doesn’t work out (unfortunately, neither of them did), finding a good exit can be tricky. You don’t want to offend the guy, but you also want to be upfront fairly quickly before it gets to serious ground. It only gets harder  and harder to break things off with time. I was rather lucky. Both exits were very easy to find, but I’m always a bit nervous at making my way through the maze. I don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings.

Despite my lack of success with OKC on this round, nearly all of my longer dating escapades have come from guys on that site. I’m not sure why. Tinder does have a more hookup culture going, but I’ve found guys who’ve wanted more than just a quick fix. The converse is also true about OKC. Plenty of guys there just want to get laid.

One thing I’ve learned from all this dating is that you shouldn’t ever change what you’re looking for, even if you can’t quite define what that is. Your intuition might not make any sense, why him vs him? But there’s a reason you like him more than him. It might not make any logical sense. And it might be quite illogical at times.

When did love ever make sense?


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