never far from mind

This is about to get sentimental.

I don’t think about Mr. Big often. But I do think about him. If we communicate now, it’s through text. It took me years to get over him. No matter what happens in the future I’ll always care about him.

One day out of the blue, I messaged him just because it’s been several weeks since I’ve heard from him. We caught up, chatting about pretty mundane stuff like him starting his own law firm and me showing him pictures of Baby J. Somehow, we got into some meaty conversation. He told me he’d been feeling off.

Mr. Big never tells me stuff like that unless it’s pretty darn serious. It’s one of the reasons we never worked out. Whenever I was ready to be with him, he wasn’t in the right place emotionally and mentally to make it work. The long distance was not the main issue, far from it.

He said he was feeling a myriad of emotions: sadness, anger, and frustration. He felt like he was spinning his wheels and going nowhere. This has been a constant pattern for him, over the years, and his solution has always been to move somewhere else and start afresh. The gist of it all is that he doesn’t feel fulfilled.

I told him the same shit I always tell him. He’s still young. He can change. Do the things that make him happy. Doesn’t matter what others think. It’s all a matter of what he thinks and how he feels. No one’s living in his shoes, no one except him.

And if he needs me, I’m a text away.

I’m sure it’s a bit annoying, but he knew exactly what to say in response: I’m glad we talked. I feel a little better (since losing him was losing my oldest friend).

I suppose this something is better than nothing.


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