think before you leap

I’ve been successful before with online dating, in the fact that I have dated guys exclusively for several weeks to many months, but it never feels like real success because it never ends well.

The last guy I dated seriously I met on OkCupid and I think the only reason I tried to make it work was that we both had graduated from the same alma mater. He kept going on and on about the same shared experience and I let myself buy into it. Probably didn’t hurt his case that all his close friends were in serious relationships with fellow graduates (each class is approx 750 per year).

I’d vaguely mentioned him before with the moniker, Bearded Hipster. I could also call him, Yellow Lover, as he has a serious case of yellow fever. Both his girlfriend and long-term fling before me were Asian; and now he’s in a relationship with another Asian after me. It’s kind of hilarious, how he has an ethnic type, but also kind of creeps me out. It’s not like preferring blondes over brunettes. His is a distinct, narrow preference. I’m definitely more diverse (but that’s going to have to detailed in another post).

Even when you do make it to an exclusive relationship with a guy, from my experience with Bearded Hipster, you should be wary. I should have run the minute he started telling me about his online dating experiences. He was too open about everything. I really didn’t need to know the reason he went out with girls was to get laid (I mean, I suppose it’s a basic assumption that’s the goal of most guys), and that he’d go out with a girl he didn’t think was smart enough as long as she was attractive enough. He even told me he kept a log of names for every girl he’d fucked. Disclosure’s great, but oversharing isn’t.

I dated him for several months, the longest I’ve dated anyone since Mr. Surgeon. And I’m so glad I’m not with him anymore.

We were totally wrong for each other. He liked to drink lots of beer and smoke lots of pot. He wasn’t as hygienic as I’d like and he was extremely proud of his big butt (from multiple twerking incidents, including one caught on video whilst on the Light Rail). He also was immature and kept saying when I had a different opinion that “it’s not going to work [between us] then.” I wish I didn’t know why I put up with him for as long as I did, but I know exactly why. He told me he loved me when I tried to end things about two months in. I hadn’t heard a guy say those words in so long that I was in love with the idea of being loved.

The biggest warning side, which I ignored, was when he slept with his fuck buddy while I was in Europe. He wasn’t quite my boyfriend at the time, but we had agreed to exclusively see each other before I left. I wanted the definition because I wanted to know if it was okay for me to have a fling or not. He said, “yes” and the rest is history because no matter how you want to shake it… he cheated on me.

At least, in the grand scheme of things, I learned a lot from him. I don’t leap into things anymore. I look at the warning signs because red flags are red flags. I examine my feelings to make certain I’m getting into things for the right reasons. I trust my intuition because sometimes you know exactly what’s best for you.

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2 thoughts on “think before you leap

  1. Oh man, hearing “I love you” from someone you were unsure about is always a difficult situation. It’s flattering, and you want to hear it, but it’s not fair. It seems like Bearded Hipster said it to keep you around because I can’t trust people with fuck buddies.

    Leah

    Like

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