pursuit or desperation?

I appreciate The Norwegian more and more as I get further into the mess that is online dating.

He’s always been very respectful of boundaries, texting me at appropriate intervals, and never blowing my phone up with messages. I haven’t seen him in several weeks, but I’ll occasionally get a snapchat from him showing me what he’s doing and I’ll reciprocate at times, if I think he might appreciate it. Otherwise, we’ve pretty much gone about our own businesses. His last text to me said: Have a good night. Let me know if you want to meet later. 

I’m glad he hasn’t hounded, or sent me anything weird or inappropriate, or overshared information when it’s completely unnecessary. I cannot say the same for the others. I really have no idea what guys are thinking, but if you send any girl 3-4 text messages and she doesn’t get back to you–that means she’s not interested. I’d say it’s pretty clear that if you ask a question and she doesn’t get back to you, it’s game over.

Some guys have taken a bit of time getting the message. One guy was particularly persistent, sending texts on 2/19, 3/16, 4/12 without any response on my end. I think, or at least I hope, he’s given up. Don’t get me wrong, a guy that pursues you and is persistent can be charming, but only to a certain degree. There’s pursuit and there’s desperation.

I recently went on a date with Awkward Asian, who looked good on paper: graduated from med school, then finished his residency, and now pursuing a fellowship. I’ll be pretty honest and say that I’m not that attracted to Asian guys, mainly because I find that most of them don’t appreciate me for me. I want to be liked for who I am, not for my looks or education or whatever tangible quality that first attracts them.

The bottom line: Do you like me for me?

In hindsight, I should have been wary when he messaged me up a storm before we agreed to meet at Local Foods (an eatery truly based on it’s name). He seemed smart, sociable, and interesting enough on first impression. I was a bit overwhelmed by the amount he talked, but at least he didn’t seem full of himself like the guy from Wharton (all that guy did was talk about himself). The problem wasn’t during the date, but afterwards.

I was willing to go on another date until Awkward Asian started getting weird over texts. He overshared about his life, like telling me his dog peed on his bed in the morning or joking he might be hypersexual. Or added unnecessary details, like knowing a lot about Korean food when he didn’t recognize that Miss M’s name is a common Korean name. Or overreacted when I told him I was sick and saying if I didn’t want to hangout with him again to just say so! Can’t a girl feel unwell without an accusation?

All that and more really didn’t do him any favors. I had no inclination to go on another date with him. I was relieved when he didn’t contact me for several days until he suddenly texted me out of the blue. He had spied me at a grocery store and decided to make one last ditch effort, using the fated mechanism of having seen me as well as us being “birthday twins.” I semi-admired his attempt and I think I was too nice when I said yes.

Awkward Asian played it pretty cautiously for a few days until the day of the date. Then, of course, something had to happen. I texted him letting him know that I’d need to meet him later because the girls and I were going to try to meet for happy hour. It’s often difficult to get us all together because my girlfriends all have a really tough work schedule. His reply was: Sounds like your friends need to get an easier schedule like mine. He meant it as a joke, but it still comes off wrong when I scarcely know him. As one of my girlfriends said, it makes him sound like a douchebag.

Sometimes, some things, just don’t work out.

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