Nothing really counts until you’ve met the guy.
It doesn’t matter how good the messaging back and forth is until you’ve interacted one-on-one face-to-face. I’ve had great conversations with guys and wasted enough time to know how important it is to actually talk in person. I’d mentioned before how one guy had called me out on my superficiality in terms of dating, which I fully admit that I care a lot how a guy looks.
One of the most unpleasant parts of online dating is when the guy looks worse than his picture. In most cases, the guys have older photos where they look younger than they are or they are much thinner than they currently are. The term for this is “catfish.” I hate it when I’m tricked by carefully culled photos that make the guys look much better than reality.
The exact scenario occurred this past weekend via a Tinder date. The worst part was he happened to be with a girl I was already acquainted with. She introduced me to her friend and “my” date. He was much bigger than expected and a lot nerdier too, in the way he talked and acted. I supposed I should have expected that when he told me he was a Plastic Surgery resident. I like smart guys, but I’m not that attracted to outwardly nerdy guys (there’s a difference).
I was kind of stuck at that point, so I made the best of it. I think you know almost instantly when you meet someone if they are friends only material or possibly something else. He was, unfortunately, friends only. We talked, I tried to have a good time because there’s a good atmosphere at Anvil (a pricey cocktail bar in Montrose) and I’ve got a good drink in front of me, all recipes for success if he hadn’t invade my personal space. Yes, we were sitting close in the booth, but that didn’t mean he needed to scoot closer to me or try to put his arm around me. This was like 30 minutes into the date (and, that’s way too soon in any case)!
I felt like a trooper because I made it to an hour before I pulled the lame, I’m tired card (which was actually true because I was feeling droopy). I think it helped significantly that I can talk shop if I need to, although talking about doctor stuff gets tedious after a while. It’s why I typically don’t date doctors, but it’s hard when I typically like smart guys. Well this guy not only tried to put his arm around me, he also put his hand on my thigh. Again, too early, and he didn’t even have the excuse of being intoxicated!
I ended up finishing my drink and telling him point blank, I’m going to head out because it’s late and I need to sleep. He walked me to car and as I give him a goodbye hug, he somehow managed to sneak a kiss! At this point, I’m like whatever, and let him kiss me one more time because I just gave up trying to dodge. I played nice and told him to let me know how his fellowship match goes at the end of the week, but I honestly want nothing more to do with him.
I felt very uncomfortable and I felt like by being nice, I was being deceitful. It’s a strange and horrible dichotomy. I didn’t want to lead him on, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. What else could I have done?
At least, I can say I’ve met him so I know for certain that he’s not the one for me. That’s something, I suppose.