a game of numbers

The problem with dating today is that you know that everyone is likely dating several people at once.

It’s difficult to gauge when a guy is slow texting back, if he’s busy or if he’s not that interested. I think it’s in us to make up excuses because it hurts less that way. You just say to yourself, he wasn’t that great and you didn’t really care if he asked you out again. And, you have a date with another guy and he might be more promising…

Just by sheer numbers, Cousin KT tells me I should find a viable candidate to date. I definitely go on enough first dates that I have options, but it’s exhausting too. It’s like always being on your toes, because you don’t know anything about him other than that you’re willing to go on this date together. I used to go on several first dates a week; now I’ve toned it down to one or two first dates at most. It’s less stressful, but I’m still getting out there.

I tell myself, at the very least, all this dating makes for interesting experiences. I’m also hoping Cousin KT is right and that I do find someone I like enough to settle down with, without settling. I feel like this has been an abnormally long dry spell for me, but maybe as I’m getting older I’m becoming more cognizant of what I want. It’s been months so far and still I haven’t found a guy worthy of being my boyfriend.

I realize that the numbers can work against you as much as for you, as in the case of Mr. Nebraska. I had mentioned him earlier, detailing his gentle let down and my understanding acceptance. I wished I’d been the other girl, the girl he’d been seeing longer and wanted to try something serious with. But I wasn’t.

If I over-analyze the matter, Mr. Nebraska was probably too hipster for me with his recycle bins and love of old, unique furnishings. I like nice, new things, and I like thinking, but not exploring thoughts every minute. I’m just nitpicking because it’s easier that way. If things had worked out differently, he might have been someone special. But it didn’t.

Still I’m optimistic. I have to be, because if I don’t believe it’s possible, who else will?

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8 thoughts on “a game of numbers

  1. Well done for maintaining your optimism – I believe it’s possible too – I did it! Last February I met a man online (after 3 years of trying) and we got married at Christmas :-)(peppermintsea.com/how-i-met-my-husband-online/). Remember how awesome you are and don’t compromise on what you are looking for – he is out there, you just have to find him! Good luck!

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  2. Is it purposeful that you tend to refer to guys by place and gals by initials? Because I just noticed that you mention C, H, J, M, and now KT as female cast members, and Nebraska, Norwegian and Irish as male members (although there are a couple exceptions to the rule). And then you’re Houston Girl – another place-name, which leaves you thematically equivalent in some way to the guys.

    Is it just a coincidence? Or is there some other system that I’m misinterpreting (e.g. the people involved in the dating get aliases, while supporting characters get initials)?

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  3. You will find him! I did online on and off for a few years. Had a couple of relationships out of it, some good experiences, others bad. The worst experiences were when I lowered my standards out of desperation. In the end I decided to get serious about it – only date hot, intelligent guys with good careers and screen all options by this criteria…I found The One eventually (after about 6 months of intense dating – multiple first dates per week, dating 5 guys at once etc! It was exhausting but fun!). Within 2 weeks my meeting my man he asked me to be exclusive with him and 5 months later we moved in together…the rest is history. 2 friends of mine also met their hubbies through online dating.

    Don’t give up and keep your standards high!

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